Don't Take Life Seriously...

PANDEMIC! OHMYGANZ!

Fri, 01 May 2009 18:16:45 GMT

So, Victoria and I just doomed China to all die of swine flu. D:
"At least it's not in any confined places."
"Yeah, like if it was in China - "
"That would be horrible!!!"
"I KNOW!"
*Google!map loads*
"Oh...shit. Look."
"A case."
"Oh, crap. That's our fault."
"I know."
"We just cursed China."

*five minutes later*
*different map loads*

"Look at this one!"
"Oh, crap. Well...this one's from 2003-2009. Maybe it's.."
"Look. 2009 is dark red."
"They're everywhere!"

So, yehz. When everyone in the world dies, blame us.
But mostly Victoria.

"Yay, swine flu!"

Journalism... >.

Thu, 23 Apr 2009 18:05:45 GMT

My journalism paper on "My generation".

---> Gotta love Ms. Doleski.

Rachel Sapienza

Journalism

The Aimless Generation

Most people live by the saying ‘what goes around comes around.’ While this term mainly applies to karma, it can also be applied to the generations that separate us from our parents, their parents, and those before them. It’s little things, mostly; hairstyles, make up, fashion, and views on money have been a few repeating cycles over the past few decades. However, our generation has more technology at our disposal than all of the others combined, and this definitely adds some variant to the constant circle.

While the older generations had some sense of direction, it seems that our own is aimless. Wandering, if you will. We have the right to vote, we have freedom of press, our schools are desegregated, and we don’t know what to do with all of our privileges. We don’t have to fight for our rights; we were born with them. The question for us (as opposed to the question for the older generations, “What do we protest next?”) seems to be “…What do we do now?”

The answer is easier than one may think. We, (the American teenagers of now), have all of the rights expected for human beings. But – what about the rest of the world? There are people living in fear, starving, deprived of basic human rights, dying, in third world countries. It seems that our mission is to improve the lives of others, rather than our own. The mission of our generation, who’d rather sit inside on the computer than go outside and play, is to save other people from their oppressors.

Next question. How can we, a bunch of ‘lazy, ignorant highschoolers’, as we’re affectionately called, be responsible for the lives of others when we can’t even be bothered to turn in our homework on time? Again, the answer is simpler than it would seem. Helping others does not, in fact, require as much effort as doing your calculus homework. All that’s needed is an internet connection and a moment of your time. Some websites, like savedarfur.com and chabad.org, offer quick ways to help, like donations. If you don’t have spare money or a credit card, you can just read about the genocide in Darfur or how the Jewish community is raising money for the victims of the terrorist attacks in Mumbai and tell a friend or two. Get creative! Plan a fund raiser for an organization of your choice, like a car wash or bake sale. Sure, it’s cliché, but it could help.

So, please, take some time out of your busy schedules of surfing the internet, sleeping, watching television, and procrastinating on that journalism project, and see what you can do to help the rest of the world. Who knows? Some day, you might be the recipient of those charities after flunking out of high school and becoming a homeless person. After all, what goes around comes around.

Thu, 26 Mar 2009 18:16:27 GMT

So, I know I haven't posted anything in a looong time, but I've been going through a rough place recently and it's not like anyone reads this anyway. :(

I lost internet at my place, so I'm in my journalism class and I finished my project early and I found out that LJ isn't blocked at my school. So, yay.

I miss my best friend ganz much, though, and my specialguyfriend said something that made me cry myself to sleep last night. Life is fun.

Agh. Lot's has happened. it would take me waaaay longer to type it all up than what I have, so I'll just tell you what's going on in my Journalism class now.

Stasia is trying to convince my pregnant teacher that she loves another teacher and that he loves her back.

"I think my second husband I'm actually going to love. I'm only going to have a baby with one man."

"Mr. Hitchman?"

"Of course!"

"You're so weird! This conversation is over!"

...

"CHRIS CHRIS CHRIS!"

"If you answer her, she won't go over there."

"I'M COMING OVER THERE!"

Thu, 27 Nov 2008 07:12:03 GMT

Title: Steuerung (Control)
Author: My imaginary friend, Mikey.
Rating: nc-17
Fandom/Pairing: Tokio Hotel / Twincest
Summary: All is not as it seems in the Kaulitz relationship.
A/N: This is my first story in over five months. Yes, it does suck. I know.

The sun was shining, albeit a bit uncomfortably bright, on Bill's back as he made his way through the field. All else was as it should be (i.e. Birds singing, breeze blowing, butterflies fluttering, etc...). He looked to each of his sides, checking for someone. Nope, not there. What about...Not there either.

His older brother was nowhere in sight; in truth, Bill could hardly feel his presence at all. Somehow, though, that fact did not seem to upset him like it would on a normal day. Of course, a normal day for him entailed of a show in a nameless city (which would probably explain his near-obsession with his brother's location). The youngest Kaulitz continued his rambling about, relatively undisturbed by his M.I.A. twin.

As he enjoyed the outside, a small white flower caught his eye. Bill smiled, at once walking over to it and bending down. The thing was surrounded by a five foot radius of nothing but dirt. The boy thought nothing of the innocence it held that would at once be broken if he bothered it. He simply saw something pretty and his immature, childlike thoughts drove him to pick it. As he straightened up, however, he felt ill at ease. He twirled the posy in his similarly delicate hand and tried to shrug the feeling away. Bill began to slowly walk back the way he thought he had come, complete with the shattered innocence he held.

A sharp noise caught the boy's attention, almost causing him to drop the bloom. His sense of disquiet doubled as he squinted into the treeline. Seeing nothing, he began walking faster and subsequently tripped on a rock. He caught his balance, but dropped his prize. Bill's lower lip trembled and a short lived conflict began in his mind. Pick up the flower, and possibly expose his weak area to his demon, or leave it, and run in the supposed direction of safety? His young mind was hard pressed. The flower was so beautiful, almost glowing in the fading light. Yet, he was so scared. He didn't want to move at all. He wanted to curl up and think about Tomi until the monsters went away.

He made a split second decision, bending to retrieve the posy, before running as quickly as he could to the shelter of the trees, the rapidly darkening sky hiding all monsters, imaginary or real. The boy clutched the flower in his hand, crushing it even more. He slid on a patch of mud, coming to rest near a rather large bush. He crawled underneath it, curling into a ball. He watched in horror as a pair of feet followed his own tracks, stopping in front of the very bush Bill was hiding under. The second Kaulitz screwed his eyes shut for a moment, then opened them again. He glanced up at the feet once again, which had rather dumbly stood stationary for the past few minutes, then opened his hand, expecting to see the pure white flower. What he saw, however, was not in the same condition as it was once.

The flower, where it had been previously been a perfect snow white was now crumpled, dirty, ruined. Bill stared at it, shocked. How could something so perfect, so...innocent, now be so humbled? It's beauty was replaced with dirt and grime. Bill had unknowingly spoiled the bloom's most alluring aspect: it's innocence.

As he looked, a certain demon became enlightened of his prescence. The boy started, his eyes widening impossibly as he came face to face with his reflection. Instead of his milky white skin, however, it's own was mottled, much like the flower's dainty petals were. In place of his chocolate eyes, a dull black stared at him. And as his eyes watered, the doppelgänger's did as well. Except, instead of his own clear, pearly tears, the stranger's were blood red. A lone tear fell from each's cheeks, both landing on the flower. Where Bill's fell, the flower shriveled, wilted, died. Where the apparition's fell, it seemed to come back to life, the white returning to it's original state. Bill knew what he had to do. He held the posy out for the other to take.

The broken stared at the whole, not understanding as the ultimate sign of innocence was pushed to him. He opened his hand, hesitantly, at first. The flower fell into his hand, at once regaining life and purity. His eyes traveled back up to meet the beautiful one.

Bill's eyes held a certain light as his prize once again was perfect. His eyes traveled up to meet the grotestque one. He expected to find joy, but instead saw betrayal, an innocence beyond the flower's, and pain. His confusion was resolved once he saw the effect the innocent flower was having on his lookalike.

Where the flower had touched his skin, the already bruised flesh became black. As it had caused Bill's skin to practically glow, it performed the opposite deed on his counterpart. Bill could only stare, unwilling to dirty the flower once more as it seemed to consume the other's being. He had the choice, he realized, as his soul silently screamed for help. He had the choice to save himself, or the false pretense of innocence.

As he began to wither away as well, he realized he had made the wrong choice.

---------

Sighing, Bill rolled over and looked across the hotel room at Tom. He'd just woken up from the same damn nightmare for the fourth time that week and the eighteenth time that month. It had long since stopped making him cry, but he still felt the after effects.

"What is it, sweetheart?" Tom broke the thick silence, not even turning away from the tall window through which he was looking at the rising sun.

"This can't go on forever, can it?" In the soft morning light, Bill could no longer shy away from the reality that what they were living was wrong, in more ways than one.

Tom rolled his eyes and finally turned away from the window, the sun's rays illuminating his outline and giving him the look of some sort of holy entity. Too bad Bill knew better. Way better.

"I mean, even if we're careful, we're bound to be caught someday." Bill foolishly tried to continue, until a sudden sharp look on Tom's face spoke clearly of a threat being carried out a just one more unfavorable word coming from the younger's mouth. Bill instantly stopped, his expression showing a lot more hurt and a little more fear than he'd care to admit.

Tom noticed the pain on the face that mirrored his own and quickly stepped across the room, crawling over the bed and stopping next to his brother, all at once brushing the dirty black hair hair from his twin's somehow more delicate face and cradling it in his hand. He leaned in close and whispered to his other half that as long as they were discreet and didn't endeavor to fuck it all up, they'd be fine.

Used to his brother's somewhat indelicate way of phrasing things, Bill would be ashamed to admit that he actually flinched at Tom's harsh words.

"Now, you won't try to ruin both of our lives, will you?" At the last words, Tom's grip on Bill's face tightened. Not enough to cause discomfort, but enough to remind Bill of how vulnerable he truly was. He was laying back into the pillows, with one of Tom's hands holding his jawline and cheek. Tom's other hand rested between his legs. The older, himself, was looming over him, with a somewhat dangerous look on his face.

Fearing that he might cry, all that Bill could do in reply was nod his head slightly and widen his eyes a bit to show he was being serious. He watched as Tom's eyes gradually darkened, stopping with something just short of a predatory look in them.

Tom smiled as Bill hurridly looked down, a rosy blush forming on his cheeks. His grip on the younger's face relaxed a little as he once again forced Bill to meet his gaze.

"Now, Billa. You shouldn't be wasting your time worrying about such things. Wouldn't you rather be doing something fun?"

Although the words and even the tone were sweeter, Bill doubted what would ensue would be anything close to fun for him. He'd already screwed up today. Tom was still pissed. And yet, knowing what was sure to happen, Bill smiled softly and again nodded.

As Tom flipped him over and pulled down his boxers, Bill felt almost a savage pleasure at the coming pain. It was his way of self-destructing, he mused as Tom quickly stretched him. Instead of cutting or throwing up everything that went down his throat. Bill supposed that this was worse, in a way. Savoring the feeling he always got when Tom tore into his body with a little too much force to be completely an accident. It just seemed a little masochistic at times.

Of course, he never got aroused when his brother was so rough it hurt for hours afterword. It was more of a mental thing. He didn't enjoy the pain, just the fact that he was hurting.

Which was exactly why he would be sure to touch another of Tom's nerves again tomorrow. Tom may be physically stronger, but it's really Bill who's in control.

Thu, 27 Nov 2008 06:01:37 GMT

hey, all you freaks who don't even read this! I just want you all to know that I'm fine. I'll start posting stories again soon.

Sun, 04 May 2008 06:55:44 GMT

I'm sooooo bored right now. I just had to delete the cookies on my mom's laptop cause I totally went all 'temporary insanity' and looked up 'gay' and 'lesbian' on Google and Dogpile. God I'm just begging my mom to find out. Whatever.
Y'know, even though my whole family's Catholic and openly homophobic, I don't think they'd like crucify me or anything. At ~~worst~~ best, they'd just all never talk to me again. At ~~best~~ worst, they'd all try to talk to me and "understand". Meh.
On a different note, I've been up to the eyeballs brimming with poems lately. Too bad I never took the time to write any down and now I can't remember any. I'm getting fat. Damn. I looked fine during the winter and now I look like a whale! It's fricking bikini season in like three weeks and my thighs practically touch when I walk! Oh, well. It's not like I'll be wearing a swimsuit any time soon. I've got too many scars and too much cellulose to be showing like any skin. Maybe I'll stop eating again. It worked during winter time. I lost twelve pounds. And I wasn't anorexic! I knew what I was doing and how far I could push my body. I've had disorders before. I never want to do that again.
So, I've been getting to better know Timmy, you know, but I feel slightly sick now. We were watching a movie on the Great Depression in S.S. Somehow, Timmy & I started talking about our childhoods. I told him something I've never told anyone before. I now get scared every time I think about it.
In science we were debating the differences between a cut and a scratch. Timmy took the metal part of a pencil and proceeded to demonstrate the exact difference. It's all my fault. I want to die. Please, just let me go. If anything is better than this, take me there. I need to find a place where I can just breathe.

Still depressed...

Sat, 26 Apr 2008 08:52:36 GMT

*sigh*

I'm still depressed from...yesterday, I think it was. Yeah.
But now it's more cause I just went on a Lauren Utter binge. I totally just saved like four pictures of her that I found online today. Then I went and edited them somewhere. But, yeah. I'm still so pissed that they eliminated her. I CRIED, for God's sake! Actually cried! I didn't even cry when they got rid of Kim Stolz in cycle 5. I damn near let the tears flow, but I never did.
I mostly now just want to curl up in a ball and die. Either that or I'll look her up and go visit her and hug her and buy like eight million dollars of her artwork. I love her comic book style. She is seriously a perfect example of what I want to be when I grow up. A cool punk rock artist living in New York City. I also admire her because she's got this whole unapologetic "I'm me, and if you don't like it, screw you!" thing going on. I honestly hope that I someday will have the confidence in myself to give off that vibe.
She represents a whole group of unseen girls, my age (14), her age (23), and everyone in between. We all kind of stand in the background at school (or are taunted often.) We don't have that natural sort of spotlight shining down from the heavens or whatever it is those other girls have. We don't have people looking at us and thinking "She's pretty/special/talented." And maybe we act as if we don't care. Maybe we ignore it. Maybe we treat them the same way they treated us, with contempt, laughing at everything they do, right or wrong. But, as much as we deny it, all of us self-proclaimed rebels, all of us freaks, wierdos, nerds, and just plain ignored girls feel something painful in our hearts every time someone cuts us down or insults us, even by just paying more attention to what the more stereotypical, 'family friendly' girl says. Because, in our heart of hearts, we are truly all the same. We all feel that yearning need to be accepted, to be daddy's little princess. We all want to find our Prince(or Princess) Charming, who tells us we are the most beautiful thing, inside and out that he/she has ever met.
Lauren was the girl who symbolized that we could have that, that people still love us for us. I know that every time she cursed or tripped or made a smart ass comment to someone, I smiled and loved her all the more for it. I did wonder why she was herself, or rather, what caused her to act in such a way that was endearing to me, but that my mother hated and thought was awful(let me just say that I felt pangs in my chest for Lauren whenever my mom would say hurtful things about her.) I'm not saying that she had an easy life and I'm not saying that she had a terrible life to shape her personality like this. She just showed that you can still be yourself, however wierd and unconventional that may be, and be loved by millions of people. The fact that she got eliminated or that very reason makes me sick. I would definately rather have to leave for being myself than get to stay for being considered fake. I think she should be proud for leaving because she couldn't 'hide her true attitude'(as my dear, beloved mother said) rather than having a weak picture or something stupid like that.
And that, my friends, is why I won't be watching America's Next Top Model for the rest of this season (except maybe if there's a reunion!)

And, might I say, I feel existentially better than I did before I wrote this.
And, yeah, I do realize that the whole show is rigged or something, but I kind of fell in love with Lauren. Don't make fun of me.
Rachel

Fri, 25 Apr 2008 00:07:06 GMT

Meh. So, I haven't updated in, like, forever. But I gots stuff to say!

Some of it's emo, but why not?

So, you know. It all started last...oh, how long ago was it? I guess around Feb. 07. That was when I was new to LJ and slash in general. I had looked up Degrassi slash a few times before, but I was by no means as...addicted to boy on boy as I am now. Anyway, I started with Ryden. That was my first ever fantasy gay couple that I loved. and where to find all of the slashy goodness but slashatthedisco? And on that community who was there but Elle, my future ex-girlfriend? I guess around April was when we first really connected. I asked her to be mine, and (for a while) it was the fucking best feeling I had ever experienced. We called each other, im'ed each other, and she even wrote me a letter once. I still have my reply in my room, and there's nothing I regret more than not sending it. I wish I could feel that if we lived closer to each other we'd still be together, but I'm too bitter to believe that now. Don't think I'm so naive as to think that a long distance relationship could ever have lasted for any significant amount of time, but it did last. Until about June or July, that is. I had gone to my Dad's house for the summer and Elle and I could hardly talk anymore. I think things really fell apart when her computer got taken away. I'm not saying why.
I guess the reason I'm writing this is because I'm still not over her. I truly feel that we had a bond. I still miss talking to her so much sometimes that I want to cry, though I never do. I have only shed a few tears on her behalf, but my pain still runs deep.
Now I'm scared to get into a relationship with a guy I have been interested in for the past couple of weeks since the school year's about to end and we'll probably never see each other again. God it sucks.

And don't even let me start on how I've been in love with my best friend for the past year through all of this. She's been there for me the whole time. She tries so hard to keep me happy, and I the same. She was there for me when things with Elle fell apart, as I was there for her when her brother attempted suicide.

Meh. Emo shit over. Now please excuse me while I go cut myself.
Rachel

I'm sad.

Thu, 29 Nov 2007 01:01:46 GMT

I'm pretty upset right now.
Jesus. Upset doesn't begin to cover it.

Well, my mom & dad have been divorced since I was three. In fact, my first memory is of my daddy leaving. Great, huh? Note the sarcasm. Now,. don't get me wrong; I love my step-mom more than I love my biological mom. I love my little half-sister more than my older whole brother. So we were all happy, yadda, yadda...
But does God leave me alone when the glass pieces of my life finally seem to fall together? No, of course not! Don't be silly (or optimistic)!

It will get you nowhere in life.

Just when I thought things were going marginally okay ( as okay as they can be for an ankle-cutting suicidalist freak) God takes his mighty hammer and decides to swing as hard as he can at it, invariably cutting me with all the tiny pieces. Thanks a lot. I really appreciate it. I want to die now. And to think I had the crazy notion that the most destructive part of my life was over. Stupid me. Now I'm just waiting for the fire breathing dragon to finish me off, via my nightmares.

But, hey. Don't think it's over for me yet. Tomorrow I'll rise again, ready to suck the venom from the ever-growing wound in my lungs, making it harder to breathe. Until, that is, I burst and have to start seeing my school counsellor again. I just hope it isn't too soon. I don't want to talk about it again.

And, to top it all off, my friend's mirror broke today at school. I now have four different cuts festering my thumb from the shards. ~~Which I did on my own.~~

Wed, 21 Nov 2007 04:56:16 GMT

The gist: you post a list of ten things you really would like this holiday season. It can be anything-- material goods, more LJ time, icons, fic, cards. Whatever, big or small. And all of your friends post similar lists. You go through those lists and pick a few wishes to grant, either anonymously or with your name attached.

The point is that you're granting wishes and making people feel all fuzzy-like and maybe getting some fun stuff, too. If some of the things on your list are material, be sure to attach contact info, as well.

1. A dedication in a fic. I don't care what kind, who it is, or if I'm even familiar with the fandom. If you dedicate something to me(besides the fact that I beta'd for you) I will love you forever.

2. An inspirational quote. I'm a sucker for feel-good quotes telling about the rise and/or imminent fall of humanity.

3. A list of your favourie songs. Any length, any genre, I'd like to know.

4.A couple Mike Dirnt/Billie Joe Armstrong icons. Also any Pete Wentz ones would be loved.

5. A picture of something that has a special meaning to you.

6. A poem, written just for me.

7. To know your favorite movie, and why.

8. To know your favorite colour, and why.

9. A stuffed animal. I don't care if it's old or new, a mammal or reptile, whatever. I love them all way too much.

10. A "Cheer Up Emo Kid" pin. I love them sooo much. I want one very badly.

Joke

Tue, 16 Oct 2007 02:00:39 GMT

Hey, ya`ll.

I have a joke for you. say it out loud, and it`s sooooooooooo funny. Like, I LMAO`d at school when Savannah told me it today.

Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
I`m a schizophreniac,
So am I.

I know schizophrenia isn`t a synonym for MPD, but it just works there. Night, guys.
<3 Rachel

Sun, 14 Oct 2007 21:12:36 GMT

The alarm clock showed 7:43am. I sighed and rolled over, only to jump up, eyes wild, and take off running towards the bathroom. Shit! I was supposed to be at my new job now! I got into the cold shower and shampooed my hair. The brats could wait a few extra minutes while I made myself pretty for them. I drank my coffee on the way, and pulled into the parking lot.
What is my new job, you ask? What could make me, Gerard Arthur Way, get out of bed on a perfectly sleep-though-able day? Well, my friends, I am to be a high school counsellor. Now pick up your chins off the ground, because it`s time to go back to school.

Title: I`m Sleeping My Way Out of This One
Author: Hmmm...I wonder.
Pairing: Fee/Gee
Disclaimer: I`ve been asked whether I live in a mental hospital. Do you really believe anything I say? (Title credit goes to Fall Out Boy)
Rating: PG...for now. Hehe...
Summary: Gerard has a new job. Oh, joy. More people for him to terrorize.
A/N: Yay! Dirty-Perv!Gerard and Abused/Bullied!Frankie! Truth be told,I don`t even know if I should continue this. Comment and tell me. Or else.

Sun, 14 Oct 2007 20:39:11 GMT

Taken from a_shadows_kiss. I am the boy who never finished high school, because I got called a fag everyday. I am the girl kicked out of her home because I confided in my mother that I am a lesbian. I am the prostitute working the streets because nobody will hire a transsexual woman. I am the sister who holds her gay brother tight through the painful, tear-filled nights. We are the parents who buried our daughter long before her time. I am the man who died alone in the hospital because they would not let my partner of twenty-seven years into the room. I am the foster child who wakes up with nightmares of being taken away from the two fathers who are the only loving family I have ever had. I wish they could adopt me. I am not one of the lucky ones. I killed myself just weeks before graduating high school. It was simply too much to bear. We are the couple who had the realtor hang up on us when she found out we wanted to rent a one-bedroom for two men. I am the person who never knows which bathroom I should use if I want to avoid getting the management called on me. I am the mother who is not allowed to even visit the children I bore, nursed, and raised. The court says I am an unfit mother because I now live with another woman. I am the domestic-violence survivor who found the support system grow suddenly cold and distant when they found out my abusive partner was also a woman. I am the domestic-violence survivor who has no support system to turn to because I am male. I am the father who has never hugged his son because I grew up afraid to show affection to other men. I am the home-economics teacher who always wanted to teach gym until someone told me that only lesbians do that. I am the woman who died when the EMTs stopped treating me as soon as they realized I was transsexual. I am the person who feels guilty because I think I could be a much better person if I didn`t have to always deal with society hating me. I am the man who stopped attending church, not because I don't believe, but because they closed their doors to my kind. I am the person who has to hide what this world needs most, love. I am the person ashamed to tell my own friends im a lesbian, because they constantly make fun of them. I am the boy tied to a fence, beaten to a bloody pulp and left to die because two straight men wanted to "teach me a lesson." IF YOU BELIEVE THAT HOMOPHOBIA IS WRONG... REPOST THIS.

Nameless

Thu, 04 Oct 2007 21:06:22 GMT

Wow...So how long has it been?

Whatever. So I just wrote a poem, inspired by x_moshpit.

Nameless
Broken, like a piece of my bleeding, dripping heart.
Once so pure, whole.
Now nothing more than a shell of what it used to be.
Forever empty.
To heal with time, to start anew.

Yes, the name IS Nameless.
God, it`s like a Walt Whitman poem.
I`m such a walking contradiction.

On a completely different note,
Does anybody know what gumption means?

Fer Sure

Thu, 31 May 2007 01:35:43 GMT

Title: Fer Sure
Fandom: My Chemical Romance
Pairing: Frank/Gerard
POV: Third person, Frank-centric
Summary: Just a randomly plotless sex story to go with the Medic Droid`s "Fer Sure".
Author: The Mikey-stalking emo freak I see in the mirror.
Disclaimer: I`ve been asked if I live in a mental hospital. Do you really believe anything I say?

Fer sure maybe fer sure not
Fer sure eh fer sure bomb

Frank wasn`t really sure how he`d gotten here. Hell, he didn`t even know where 'here' was exactly...Maybe a truckstop, an alleyway, or even still backstage. He didn`t really care as Gerard slammed him against the brick wall, bouncing the younger guitarist`s head painfully.

Pulled up at a stop light
Did drugs on the dashboard
Look at the mess we made tonight

The dim light did nothing to help his blurring vision...What was in that drink earlier? He`d have to remember to never accept a drink from Bert McCrackhead again. Never.

Kick off your stilettos (Oh, yeah)
Kick off your stilettos

Frank thought his heart would burst through his chest for how hard it was beating right now, as Gerard shoved his tongue into Frank`s mouth. Frank moaned alarmingly loudly when Gerard brought his knee up against the shorter man`s crotch.

And fuck me in the backseat
Fuck me in the backseat

Gerard feverishly started tearing the clothes right off his best friend. Frank let out a strange cross between a groan and a squeal, and returned the favor, as things began to get hazy.

You're always falling in disguise
And always quick to compromise

Stumbling over gravel, being not so delicately placed in the back of...something. Gerard pushing him against a window, pressing something to Frank`s ass.

Kick off your stilettos [oh, yeah]
Kick off your stilettos

Reaching behind, grabbing slightly sweaty hair, pulling, tugging. Was this even real? Maybe, maybe not. Frank couldn`t be bothered at the moment. Gerard bit sharply at his scorpion tattoo. Startled, Frank let go of his band mate`s hair, of his grip on reality.

And fuck me in the backseat [fa-fa-fa]
Fuck me in the backseat

Gerard slid into Frank`s entrance, loudly sighing. Frank was slipping, slipping, losing it. Everything. His virginity, his self respect, his consciousness...

Fer sure maybe fer sure not
Fer sure eh fer sure bomb

He dropped his head to the window, trying in vain to stay awake long enough to enjoy this. This was what he wanted, after all. Right? Or was it something else...Brian? No. Ray? He didn`t think so. Ahh...all around him became white as Gerald(was it?) hit that place. The one that was-

This is the end of what we planned [of what we planned]
And now.

Everything stopped as he(whoever that was) came inside Frank, growling softly. Reaching, groping, he roughly fisted Frank, getting him off. Everything was so-perfectly wrong.

We're not falling in love
We're just falling apart

Spent, Frank collapsed against the window sill. Everything went dark as Gerard let him fall, walking away.

A/N: I know, I know. I only used like a quarter of the song. But you gotta understand; any more would have been sucky. So, now tell me whether it`s okay or not.

-is extremely bored-

Mon, 28 May 2007 05:52:17 GMT

Okay, so it`s 1:26am here in Maryland, and I`m so fucking bored. Also slightly crushed.

You know all those fucking annoying little RPG promos that make it on to all the communities? Well I decided to apply for one. It was an escort service one. Sounds good, right? I thought so too. I read the rules, and decided to go through with it. So I spent an hour making the AIM screen name ( frankalicious01 ) . It took me that long because of all the offers the damn page shows. I was literally clicking through the same three offers for 36 mintutes. I realized I could open a new window and get on with it. Same thing happened with the photobucket account I needed to put up my picture of Frank ( Which I couldn`t even get the correct size anyway! ) . By this time I was so proud of myself for sticking to one thing for over 4 minutes ( I normally have the attention span of a squirrel on speed. Don`t laugh at me. ) Guess what? I wasn`t fucking old enough. You need to be sixteen to rpg there. I`m thirteen. I hate how that works. I had had that feeling that I was missing something, and it was right there in front of my face. Apparently while I was reading the rules, I skipped right over that one. I hate my dyslexia. And, to rub salt in the wound, I looked at the held list. Frank was held anyway. I want to cry.

So, like the determined ass that I am, I looked at another one. This was a highschool rpg. I was hoping to be Gerard or Frank. I read all the rules twice. I read the description and adored the idea. Only Ray and Bob were left of My Chemical Romance. Of course, you know?

And this wasn`t even the first time that I`ve had my heart jackhammered on by a mod of an RPG. I applied to be Pete Wentz on another about, oh, I don`t know, maybe two, three weeks ago? I put in the personality that he was obnoxious. Therefore, in the bio ( first person ) he was obnoxious. I was rejected.

I guess I really shouldn`t let myself get excited about these sorts of things. If anyone actually read this, and if you know of an RPG that has Frank or Gerard available, and that I can go on with out lying about my age,please let me know about it.

Wow. Now it`s 1:49 and my foot`s asleep.

&hearts; Rachel

...no title...

Thu, 03 May 2007 00:12:39 GMT

Silence is golden,
Stilling the shadows of memories long past
What is it this time?

The darkness swirling,
Encircling faith in long lost arms
Do we dare?

Light is blinding,
Causing pain to sear through the corneas of all who seek
Why do we look?

Love is decimating
Crumbling the very roots of our existance
What do we want?

In the end, does it really matter when I`m holding a butcher knife?

Banners by mcsismylover

Thu, 12 Apr 2007 19:51:06 GMT

These rule.
She`s making a Rydon one, too!!
Life could hardly get better.

Don`t we all.

And if you don`t, well, let`s just say that`s where the middle finger comes in handy.
Unless you are Gerard, Frankie, or Mikey.
Then that`s where the 'fangirl moment' comes in.

Love ya`ll.

&hearts;

Daily Schedule

Fri, 06 Apr 2007 17:22:39 GMT

Title:Daily Schedule

Pairing:ryden

Rating:NC-17

Summary:A day in the life of Brendon Urie.

POV:Second (you=Brendon)
Disclaimer: This happened. I know them. Now please excuse me. I need to go back to solitary confinement.

Author:Rachel

Daily Schedule:

6:05am-Wake Up

You wake up in the best way possible, every morning. Your arms are curled possessively around your lover. His head is always on your chest, his honey hair falling oh, so delightfully onto your neck. Your favorite thing is to wake before the alarm and just watch as he sleeps. But it never stays that way for long. Soon enough, his eyes will flutter open, and you will kiss him good morning.

6:15am-Shower

You turn the water three-quarters to the right, just how you like it. In about two and a half minutes, the water will be perfect. You strip of your clothing, stepping into the steamy shower. In six minutes, Ryan will follow you in, and you`ll help him wash his hair (although he usually ends up helping you more). After another five minutes, you`ll both step out. You dry off separately (for obvious reasons). This process usually takes a minute.

6:30am-Breakfast

When you step into the kitchen, you see a vegetarian omelet, just for you. You have no idea how he manages this, when he gets out of the shower at the same time you do. It takes you three and a quarter minutes to finish breakfast while reading the Business section of the newspaper that`s always an inch to the right of your fork. You murmur words of love to him for ten minutes while sipping your herbal tea. In two minutes, you say goodbye. After a peck on the lips, its out the door.

6:45am-Commute

This is your least favorite part of the day. The only part that varies. If there`s an accident on the road, it may take the full forty five minutes you allow yourself for the road. If the roads are clear, it might take only ten minutes to make it to work. Today seems like a good day, but no, right as you think it, a huge eighteen wheeler slams into a minivan, right to your left. If you just press the gas pedal a little harder...there. You`re past the accident, and well on your way.

7:00am-The Office

Since you are the manager in chief at your law firm, you have a set of keys to the lounge. You flip through a celebrity gossip magazine ( Katie and Tom are divorcing?! Never thought you`d see that...) for about fifteen minutes, then tire of it and look through a wedding caterer`s pamphlet. After ten minutes of imagining how good the cakes taste, you realize a few of your colleagues are staring to idly walk in, you stand and make your dignified way back to your office, awaiting that old man suing his daughter`s ex boyfriend for something or another.

6:00pm-The Commute

This commute is a little more nice. You come home right after rush hour, so you`ve already missed any accidents that occurred. Tonight it takes you fifteen minutes to pull into your driveway. You step out of the car, seeing Ryan smiling at you from the doorway. All of the rude or ignorant and upset people you saw today fade away the moment you smile back at him.

6:30pm-Dinner

A lush salad is at your spot, next to your light iced tea. Ryan sits across from you, absentmindedly telling you about what your neighbor said about her drunken husband. He smiles and tells you he`s glad you`re his fiancee. You smile softly and coo at him that you couldn`t have gotten luckier than to meet him all those years ago. He blushes and you finish the meal in a content and relaxed environment.

7:00pm-Movie

Ryan has an amusing, when not annoying, obsession with Disney movies. So, tonight you curl up on the couch, cuddling under the blankets, and watch Mary Poppins. It`s still early, so you kiss him under the blanket. Soon, his mouth opens, and you explore your territory. Time to go to the bedroom.

9:30pm-Bedroom

You kiss him passionately and slowly, as his hands fiddle with the buttons on your shirt. You unzip his jeans once he succeeds with your shirt. He pulls down your dress pants, and you lift his shirt, exposing creamy flesh. You slowly leave a line of kisses down to his happy trail, licking once you get there. He moans as you pull away from his quickly hardening member. You don`t even need to stretch him any more, you`ve done this so many times. He rolls a condom onto you, and you slowly penetrate him. His eyes open, slightly wider than usual, and you kiss them closed as you start moving. He moans your name within only a couple thrusts. You smile, happy that you know him so well, inside and out. He comes without you even touching his throbbing member. Just seeing a creature that beautiful writhing underneath you is enough to send you over the edge. You enjoy an intense orgasm, better than ever before.

11:00pm-Sleep

Every night, the last thing you see, smell, touch, taste, and hear is the man you want to spend the rest of your life with.

Let`s face it:You`re living a damn dream.

No, really.

*BEEP* *BEEP*

God-fucking-damnit! Why do you always dream the exact same dream! You don`t even remember it, except for Ryan`s face. It must be a good one, too. Damn boner, always getting you in the mornings.

Fill it out...now

Tue, 03 Apr 2007 22:55:16 GMT

1. Can you cook? Pretty well.
2. What was your dream growing up? To be in a band(still is)/ to be evil dictator of the world(still is)
3. What talent do you wish you had? I wish I could dance. (I sing, play keyboard, and play guitar, but can`t dance)
4. Favourite place? Behind the pillars at my school. (Lurking in the shadows, not drinking or getting stoned)
5. Favourite vegetable? brussel sprouts
6. What was the last book you read? I`m reading Harry Potter 3 for the thirty first time(no, really!)
7. What zodiac sign are you ? capricorn
8. Any Tattoos and/or Piercings? ears pierced twice, going to get vampire fangs on my hip when I turn 18
9. Worst Habit? too many to list
10. Do we know each other outside of LJ? ...probably not.
11. What is your favourite sport? soccer
12. Negative or Optimistic attitude? Negative...all the way. Never been postive in my life...and I`m proud.
13. What would you do if you were stuck in an elevator with me? First: have a panic attack. Second: talk to the wall. Third: write a suicidal note. Fourth: Stab myself with my eyeliner till I bleed to death.
14. Worst thing to ever happen to you? to many to put down
15. Tell me one weird fact about you: I get excited when I talk about how I`m going to hell for sure.
16. Do you have any pets? Yes
17. Do you know how to do the macarena? Yes(o_0) Random question
18. What time is it where you are now? 6:41pm
19. Do you think clowns are cute or scary? Scary (those things are...*shudders*)
20. If you could change one thing about how you look, what would it be? Straighten my hair permanently
21. Would you be my crime partner or my conscience? Crime Partner...definately
22. What color eyes do you have? brown, with black specks in them
23. Ever been arrested? Not yet...probably sometime next week
24. Bottle or Draft? Bottle(actually I prefer wine)
25. If you won $10,000 today, what would you do with it? Save half, spend the other half on band stuff.
26. What kind of bubble gum do you prefer to chew? I hate bubble gum. It`s too happy.
27. What's your favourite bar to hang at? None
28. Do you believe in ghosts? Yes
29. Favourite thing to do in your spare time? plot the take over of the world, in which I will become evil dictator
30. Do you swear a lot? Casually, very very much(As in, every other word usually)
31. Biggest pet peeve? ignorance
32. In one word, how would you describe yourself? suicidal-vampire
33. Will you repost this so I can fill it out and do the same for you? I`ll probably forget, but I`ll try.

oops. That`s the one I just did. I`ll put the one with no answers up in a minute.

crappy poem

Sun, 25 Mar 2007 03:12:01 GMT

It`s okay. nothing special. Elle was the inspiration. She is special. Worship her. NOW.

Why do you do this?
Teasing me.
Making me hurt.
On purpose.
For your amusement.

You like it.
You want more.
You`re addicted
To my pain
So am I

-epilogue-

Walking
In the shadows
unseen
unimportant
unalive

Expecting me?

Thu, 22 Mar 2007 00:16:14 GMT

Title: Expecting me?
Author: degrassi_luvr17 (me)
Pairing: Ryjon
Rating: N-17 (YAY!)
Summary: Ryan and Jon are alone. With a scary movie. And a shower. Yummy.
A/N: A birthday story for xlatestxplaguex. Sorry I`m a day late! Forgive?

"Hey, Ryan," Jon called from the front portion of the tour bus,"Come up here and watch a movie with me!"

"Why?!" Ryan whined back.

"Because,"Jon got up,"If you don`t,"he started towards the bunk, taking loud steps,"I`ll have to" he stopped in front of Ryan`s lousy excuse for a bed,"carry you."

At this Ryan looked up from his notebook."You wouldn`t" he accused.

Jon didn`t reply. Instead, he grabbed the smaller boy`s waist and lifted him over his bare shoulder. "Yes, I would." he grinned.

Ryan, momentarily shocked, realized he was being kidnapped by his bandmate."Help!"he screamed, looking around wildly for Spencer or Brendon.

"They`re not here"Jon said as he made his way into the living area."Gone to see Pete. You know Fall Out Boy`s on tour near us."

"Nooo!"Ryan wailed as he saw the movie Jon had picked out."Not the fucking Hitcher! You know I`m already scared of hitch hikers!"

"That`s why I got it, Ry" Jon grinned deviously, sitting next to Ryan."You`re cute when you scream."

Ryan ignored the last comment."You`re so mean to me. I bet you hate me!" he pouted instead.

Jon smiled at the boy`s childishness. He really is cute, Jon thought, before turning to the movie.

*~*about two hours later*~*

Ryan yelped and covered his eyes as the evil hitch hiker started to drive, causing the admittedly handsome young man to be stretched. Suddenly he yelled "I WANT TO DIE! JUST DON`T KILL HIM!"and jumped as he heard a scream coming from the movie. Still afraid, he was now sure that the man had died. He began to sob, and crawled into Jon`s lap.

Jon, on the other hand, was holding back laughter. just watching Ryan begin to sob. I knew it was a good idea to get this one, he praised himself. His eyes widened as Ryan, crawled onto his lap, unknowingly rubbing his clothed crotch. He willed himself not to get hard, but as usual, his body had a mind of its own. All he could do now was hope that Ryan didn`t feel anything.

Ryan immediately stopped crying, and began to blush as he felt Jon get hard and press Ryan`s asshole. He began to stutter. "I-I uhm...need to g-go...SHOWER! I was sweating l-like a bitch out on s-stage. Uhm" He jumped up and all but ran out of the room.

Jon pondered for a moment why Ryan wouldn`t get a shower right when they got 'home'. He`s such a hygenist, you`d think he wouldn`t be able to stand being sweaty. What`s wrong with h-Oh. Shit.

He jumped up, feeling extremely stupid, and yet somehow turned on at the same time. He barged into the bathroom, not even hearing the running water that meant his younger bandmate was naked. Or maybe he did.

Jon stopped once he caught a glimpse of Ryan. The younger boy jumped and looked as if he was a deer caught in headlights. He was still blushing, and was-hard!

The fuck?! Jon thought. A moment later, lust won the battle against common sense. You really shouldn`t be so surprised, you know.

Acting on impulse, Jon slammed Ryan against the wall nearest the shower. He kissed the guitarist hungrily, not sure how long it would last. Recieving no resistance, he explored his friend` s mouth. Soon enough, Ryan was feverently kissing back. Jon`s hands ran up and down Ryan`s sides as he took his mouth away. He ran his tongue down to Ryan`s neck, and bit it. He heard a yelp and tasted iron as he pulled back to admire the mark claiming Ryan as his own. He saw the thin trickle of blood and smiled. Jon licked it to sooth the pain.

He felt hands on the waistband of his sweatpants, trying to pull them off. Reality set in. He pulled away, and Ryan whimpered. "Are you sure you want this?"

Ryan looked at him, eyes wide and innocent. He nodded, whimpering even more. He pulled Jon towards himself, yanking the older man`s pants down. He moaned softly, hoping Jon would kiss him again. Jon took the hint, and pressed himself against Ryan. He led Ryan into the shower, drenching them both.

He pressed a finger into Ryan`s entrance. Ryan squirmed, a little uncomfortable. When he nodded, Jon added a second finger. This time, he gasped softly. It was starting to burn. He nodded a little too soon this time. When Jon added a third finger, tears started to pool in his eyes. Jon paused, waiting to start scissoring. In a moment, Ryan nodded. Jon scissored him so that he could enter Ryan without too much pain.

Ryan nodded yet again to show he was ready. Jon kissed the boy`s forehead and slowly entered him. Ryan`s eyes widened as the feeling of discomfort set in. He whimpered and softly told Jon to keep going. Jon began to thrust in and out of Ryan, trying different angles to find the spot that would make Ryan scream his name. A loud moan escaped Ryan`s lips presently. Jon smiled and kept thrusting at that angle. Ryan began to moan louder, and in an embarassingly short amount of time, he came. Screaming Jon`s name, he tightened around the man. Jon thrusted harder, soon cumming inside Ryan, also screaming Ryan`s name.

Now spent, Ryan slowly slid down the wall. He gazed up at Jon, his eyes still wide and innocent. Jon smiled down at him and lovingly lifted the boy up, this time bridal style. He carried Ryan out of the shower and wrapped a fluffy aroud the younger boy. His eyes sparkled with silent laughter as he spotted a second , equally fluffy, towel next to where the first one had been.

"Expecting me, were you?"

A/N: There yah go. My first smut story. It was late, but I think it was okay.

P!ATD-Nails For Breakfast, Tacks For Snacks

Fri, 16 Mar 2007 20:40:51 GMT

Watch your mouth,
Oh, oh, oh!

Because your speech is slurred enough,
That you just might swallow your tongue.

I'm sure you would,
want to give up the ghost
With just a little more poise than that

Or was it God who chokes
In these situations, running late?
Oh, no, he called in

Or was it God who chokes
In these situations, running late?
Oh, no, he called in

The hospice is,
A relaxing weekend getaway.
Where you're a cut above all the rest,
Sick, and sad patients
On first name basis
With all the top physicians.

Prescribed pills,
To offset the shakes,
To offset the pills
You know you should
Take it a day at a time...

That's when you stu-stu-stutter
Something profound
To the support on the line
And with the way you've been talking,
Every word gets you a step closer to hell

That's when you stu-stu-stutter
Something profound
To the support on the line
And with the way you've been talking,
Every word gets you a step closer to hell

Prescribed pills,
To offset the shakes,
To offset the pills
You know you should
Take it a day at a time.

Prescribed pills,
To offset the shakes,
To offset the pills
You know you should
Take it a day at a time.

I am...
Alone in this bed, house, and head
And she never fixes this
But at least she...

I am
Alone, in this bedroom
She never fixes this
But at least she...

Prescribed pills,
To offset the shakes,
To offset the pills
You know you should
Take it a day at a time.

Prescribed pills,
To offset the shakes,
To offset the pills
You know you should
Take it a day at a time.

The hospice is,
A relaxing weekend getaway.
Where you're a cut above all the rest
Sick, and sad patients
On first name basis
With all the top physicians.

Camisado-P!ATD

Fri, 16 Mar 2007 20:26:12 GMT

The I.V. and your hospital bed...
This was no accident,
This was a theraputic chain of events.

This is the scent of dead skin on a linoleum floor!
This is the scent of a quarantine wing in a hospital!

It`s not so pleasant,
And it`s not so conventional.
It sure as hell ain`t normal,
But we deal, we deal.

The anesthetic never set in
And I`m wondering where
The apathy and urgency is,
That I thought I phoned in?!

It`s not so pleasant,
And it`s not so conventional.
It sure as hell ain`t normal,
But we deal, we deal.

Just sit back, just sit back,
Just sit back and relax .
Just sit back, just sit back,
Just sit back and relapse again.

Can't take the kid from the fight,
take the fight from the kid.

Sit back, relax,
Sit back, relapse again .

Can't take the kid from the fight,
take the fight from the kid.

Just sit back, just sit back.

You're a regular decorated emergency,
You're a regular decorated emergency...

This is the scent of dead skin on a linoleum floor,
This is the scent of quarantine wings in a hospital.

It's not so pleasant,
And it's not so conventional.
It sure as hell ain't normal,
But we deal, we deal.

The anesthetic never set in,
And I'm wondering where
The apathy and urgency is,
that I thought I phoned in?!

It's not so pleasant,
And it's not so conventional.
It sure as hell ain't normal,
But we deal, we deal.

Can't take the kid from the fight,
Take the fight from the kid.

Sit back, relax,
Sit back, relapse again

Can't take the kid from the fight,
Take the fight from the kid.

Just sit back, just sit back,
Sit back, sit back, relax, relapse,

Sit back, sit back, babapado

You can`t take the kid out of the fight.

You're a regular decorated emergency
The bruises and contusions
Will remind me what you did when you wake,
You've earned your place,
Atop the ICU's hall of fame
The camera caught you causing
A commotion on the gurney again...

You're a regular decorated emergency
The bruises and contusions
Will remind me what you did when you wake,
You've earned your place,
atop the ICU's hall of fame.
The camera caught you causing
A commotion on the gurney again...

Can't take the kid from the fight,
Take the fight from the kid

Sit back, relax,
Sit back, relapse again

Can't take the kid from the fight,
Take the fight from the kid

Just sit back, just sit back

Sit back, sit back, relax, relapse
Sit back, sit back, babapado.

You can`t take the kid from the fight

The I.V. and your hospital bed...
This was no accident,
This was a therapeutic chain of events.

MCR-Welcome To The Black Parade

Fri, 16 Mar 2007 20:04:27 GMT

When I was a young boy,
My father took me into the city
To see a marching band.

He said, "Son when you grow up,
would you be the savior of the broken,
the beaten and the damned?"
He said "Will you defeat them,
your demons, and all the non-believers,
the plans that they have made?"
"Because one day I'll leave you,
A phantom to lead you in the summer,
To join The Black Parade."

When I was a young boy,
My father took me into the city
To see a marching band.
He said, "Son when you grow up,
would you be the savior of the broken,
the beaten and the damned?"

Sometimes I get the feeling she's watching over me.
And other times I feel like I should go.
And through it all, the rise and fall, the bodies in the streets.
And when you're gone we want you all to know.

We'll carry on,
We'll carry on
And though you're dead and gone believe me
Your memory will carry on
We'll carry on
And in my heart I can't contain it
The anthem won't explain it.

A world that sends you reeling from decimated dreams
Your misery and hate will kill us all.
So paint it black and take it back
Let's shout it loud and clear
Defiant to the end we hear the call

To carry on
We'll carry on
And though you're dead and gone believe me
Your memory will carry on
We'll carry on
And though you're broken and defeated
Your weary widow marches

On and on we carry through the fears
Ooh oh ohhhh
Disappointed faces of your peers
Ooh oh ohhhh
Take a look at me cause I could not care at all

Do or die, you'll never make me
Because the world will never take my heart
Go and try, you'll never break me
We want it all, we wanna play this part
I won't explain or say I'm sorry
I'm unashamed, I'm gonna show my scar
Give a cheer for all the broken
Listen here, because it's who we are
I'm just a man, I'm not a hero
Just a boy, who had to sing this song
I'm just a man, I'm not a hero
I! don't! care!

We'll carry on
We'll carry on
And though you're dead and gone believe me
Your memory will carry on
We'll carry on
And though you're broken and defeated
Your weary widow marches on

Do or die, you'll never make me
Because the world will never take my heart
Go and try, you'll never break me
We want it all, we wanna play this part (We'll carry on)

Do or die, you'll never make me (We'll carry on)
Because the world will never take my heart (We'll carry on)
Go and try, you'll never break me (We'll carry)
We want it all, we wanna play this part (We'll carry on)